Another Funny Craigslist Add

Yes. This is another one of those funny craig’s list adds just like the one about the yoga mat, hipster ass hipster bike, and the always hilarious best roommate ever.  Don’t act like you aren’t excited.  It is Friday, everybody acted like yesterday felt like Monday so retroactively that makes today feel like Tuesday, which is arguably worse. You are definitely scavenging the internet to keep your eyes open since you are still nursing a two day long hangover of poolside boozing and letting go of your anger about the lines at Hardywood being too long.  You are so bored at work you want to shave your head.  No one is being productive because they are counting down the hours until they are freed for the weekend.  So read this Craigslist ad and smile, you only have like a 7 more hours until you can have fun in the sun all weekend long.  Or stay inside with the curtains drawn and the AC like some kind of day-walker afraid of the heat, your life, your choice.
Avoid scams and fraud by dealing locally! Beware any arrangement involving Western Union, Moneygram, wire transfer, or a landlord/owner who is out of the country or cannot meet you in person.More info

$200 Unique: Rent Space Beneath My Queen Size Mattress/$200 Mo. (Greenwich Village)

Date: 2012-07-06, 9:17AM EDT
Reply to: [Errors when replying to ads?]

This is one expensive city, K? You want to make it here, you gotta be willing to up the stakes a little. The way I see this, you can keep looking for that Manhattan pipe dream, or you can recognize opportunity. Facts:
My queen size mattress is nearly a king, as I purchased it from a Hun who custom made it. It’s 1.5 feet off the ground and clean. My cat, Marshall Luddite, sometimes climbs under there, so there might be some fur. No I can’t clean it! I’m getting old!
Anyway, here’s the deal: you can fit a yoga blanket or some shit beneath my bed frame and sleep there for $200 a month. I’ve got one bathroom, so here’s how that works: you get a punchcard with 6 spots on it, each equaling 10 minutes (THESE MAY NOT BE USED AT ONCE). Every time you want to use the bathroom (assuming I or Marshall Luddite are not already in dispose) I initial a spot on the card and you get 10 minutes. Punchcard starts over every week. It’s BYOTP and keep it HIDDEN!!
Refrigerator: you get the second half of the bottom shelf. If you want crisper space, I can prorate the rent accordingly. You’ll get your own, full sized cupboard. You are expected to only use disposable cups/plates/utensils, or wash EVERY DISH AS YOU USE IT. Marshall Luddite and I HATE an unkempt apartment.
You: you should keep your damn opinions to yourself, never snore, and have few personal possessions. I can give you half of my bottom drawer for some affects, but you’ll be sharing with Marshall Luddite’s bed, and MARSHALL LUDDITE’S SLEEP GETS TOP PRIORITY!!!
If you think you can hack it in my “Mungo Jungle,” reply to these questions in an email:
1) I thought the ending of LOST was…
2) My opinions on world affairs is…
3) If you’ve been arrested, save me the background work and explain the circumstances:
4) Do you frequently bring folks home for casual sex?
5) Tell me something funny about yourself
6) Describe your upbringing
7) Who was your childhood hero?
8) Have you achiever everything you wanted to in your life?
9) Craziest thing you’ll admit here (OK, got this one from OK Cupid…)
10) If I could change one thing about anything, it would be…

Pictures will help the process, though only because it’s good to see what I’m dealing with. I’ve sublet beneath my bed before and it’s usually worked out well…this is NEw York afterall!! OK, I’m done here but you get back to me and I’ll answer your questions in turn. Until then, this is Doc and Marshall Luddite signing off!

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About btypes

I’m Bty. I live. I blog.
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One Response to Another Funny Craigslist Add

  1. Hahahahahah oh my gosh. This is the most hilariously epic craigslist post I have ever seen.

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