$200 Unique: Rent Space Beneath My Queen Size Mattress/$200 Mo. (Greenwich Village)
My queen size mattress is nearly a king, as I purchased it from a Hun who custom made it. It’s 1.5 feet off the ground and clean. My cat, Marshall Luddite, sometimes climbs under there, so there might be some fur. No I can’t clean it! I’m getting old!
Anyway, here’s the deal: you can fit a yoga blanket or some shit beneath my bed frame and sleep there for $200 a month. I’ve got one bathroom, so here’s how that works: you get a punchcard with 6 spots on it, each equaling 10 minutes (THESE MAY NOT BE USED AT ONCE). Every time you want to use the bathroom (assuming I or Marshall Luddite are not already in dispose) I initial a spot on the card and you get 10 minutes. Punchcard starts over every week. It’s BYOTP and keep it HIDDEN!!
Refrigerator: you get the second half of the bottom shelf. If you want crisper space, I can prorate the rent accordingly. You’ll get your own, full sized cupboard. You are expected to only use disposable cups/plates/utensils, or wash EVERY DISH AS YOU USE IT. Marshall Luddite and I HATE an unkempt apartment.
You: you should keep your damn opinions to yourself, never snore, and have few personal possessions. I can give you half of my bottom drawer for some affects, but you’ll be sharing with Marshall Luddite’s bed, and MARSHALL LUDDITE’S SLEEP GETS TOP PRIORITY!!!
If you think you can hack it in my “Mungo Jungle,” reply to these questions in an email:
1) I thought the ending of LOST was…
2) My opinions on world affairs is…
3) If you’ve been arrested, save me the background work and explain the circumstances:
4) Do you frequently bring folks home for casual sex?
5) Tell me something funny about yourself
6) Describe your upbringing
7) Who was your childhood hero?
8) Have you achiever everything you wanted to in your life?
9) Craziest thing you’ll admit here (OK, got this one from OK Cupid…)
10) If I could change one thing about anything, it would be…
Pictures will help the process, though only because it’s good to see what I’m dealing with. I’ve sublet beneath my bed before and it’s usually worked out well…this is NEw York afterall!! OK, I’m done here but you get back to me and I’ll answer your questions in turn. Until then, this is Doc and Marshall Luddite signing off!